Musings of a Confused Soul

Bhayyam...Bhayyam (Scared...Scared!!!)

No words can describe the way I feel about my mom. She was and is always there for me even when she was and is not with me!
While growing up we as children don’t take everything seriously about what our parents teach. Only once we grow up and look back, we realize the long-lasting impact our mothers can have on us in developing as, decent and loving human beings.
If I start writing about my mom there will be thousands and thousands of great memories in my heart, which would take up an infinite number of pages. So I will just mention one, for now.
As a child, I always dreaded to see a bright and sunny day turning into a dark and gloomy night, and to see lovely green trees becoming almost invisible.
Hence, I always troubled my parents by going into their room and sleeping with them. Always by cuddling, holding and snuggling with my mom. Now I know how irritating that could have been for them.
But my mom never once yelled or said anything. Except once in a while she would take me back to my bed and stays there until I slept.
However, if I woke up after falling asleep, again the same scenario!
This continued for a long time. My mom realized that I am getting a bit older and needed to get out of my scary mindset about darkness.

One night during the same situation, I went to their room to sleep. My mom started to talk to me.
She asked me, “What is scaring you?”
Of course, she always did ask this but I never answered other than just saying “Bhayam, bhayam” and then she would just let me sleep.
But this time it was a bit different, She did not want to let go.
She insisted I tell her what exactly is bugging me about darkness.
So I finally told her that It is about the trees moving and some scary faces showing up on the trees.
Then she said, “There are no faces on the trees. Look, those were just trees moving due to the wind.“ I said “No…’.
She said, “Okay come with me I will show you there is nothing there except trees. “ I did not want to go.
But she gently pulled me towards her and held me by my hand, picked up Torchlight, and opened the front grilled gate.
She took me to each and every tree and plant. Explained what tree it is and asked me if I see any faces.
I said “No”. After that trip down the trees, I felt a bit at ease.
I smiled. My mom took me to my bed and tucked me in asked me if I am okay. I said yes.
She smiled, gave me a kiss and turned the lights off and made sure I am okay one last time that day by asking. I said yes.
She went to her room. While lying down trying to sleep, suddenly I realized, my mom was not there and it is dark! So I jumped off the bed and ran towards my parents’ bedroom!!! LOL!

I finally got over it after a few days. Now, I am not scared of darkness at all!. If I ever imagine seeing a face in my head, I immediately remember the day my mom took me out to the front and the backyards to explain, there are no faces on the trees.
The funny thing is, I vividly remember the color of the sari she was wearing that day. It was Green!

I wonder why I was afraid of moving trees at dark. Must have been a past life regression! LOL!